Cynstyle

Wednesday, 12/1 is PAY IT FORWARD DAY! Pay for someone’s cup of coffee, help someone carry groceries to the their car, be creative. If they ask why, tell them you’re paying it forward.

I can’t deal with the “creative” type man that seems to be ever increasing. They aren’t really creative they’re just cry baby whiners that are looking for an excuse… couldn’t write you a poem to save their lives or even send a romantic letter. That is just the new word for the “sensitive” type to me. They go on the list with being chubby/fat, wearing skinny jeans, Ed Hardy/Affliction, sunglasses at night, and guys who say “Where you be at?” NOT FOR ME.

People drown in nostalgia. They spend so much time talking about how things aren’t the same, they aren’t as good, they aren’t as inspiring that they forget to live in the moment. How will we ever repair that which the lovers of the past say is broken if we refuse to be present? It’s ok to reminisce, love the classics (I know I do) but I won’t resign myself to living in the past. I instead will choose to Create, instead of longing to recreate a time that has passed.

I can’t give you absolution, I can only give you love.
I can’t relieve your pain, but I can give you forgiveness.
There is no place you can go that I won’t follow, but only if you let me.
I forgive your indiscretions but you must forgive my suspicions.
We are 2 of a kind, guilty & not guilty.
But we are not the same, Venus, Mars, man and woman.
I love to love you and you hate to love me.
I can live without you but can’t breathe without your love.
We are a swirl of contradictions but steady in desire.
I hate that you don’t need me even though I don’t need you.
I used to think I was too good for you but now you think you’re too good for me.
You leave me and pretend to be happy with another.
I leave you and pretend to fall in love.
What’s true is there is no end if there was never a beginning.
So I have to go, knowing that you never got my best and you never gave me yours.
I can walk away without regret because I forgive you -but most of all because I forgive myself.

{something I wrote during a break up feeling very melodramatic}

I remembered something a former co-worker told me a few years ago while thinking over a problem I was having and contemplating if I should call a friend to talk it over with.

She is about 50 now has been married twice and has 2 sons.  She and her husband were starting over and just moving into a house after struggling for a while but finally getting it all worked out. 

The advice? She said I should ask for and take advice from people who are in the position I want to be in. Seems obvious right? But how many of us call single people for advice on relationships?  If you want relationship advice then ask it from a person in a stable long-term relationship.  If you want financial advice then ask it from a person who is in a positive and stable financial situation.  You can learn what NOT to do from people who haven’t quite made it to where you want to be.  But asking people for advice on things they have never really been able to master is silly and fruitless. 

It’s not to say your single friends can’t help you through a break up, they can.  They listen and help you vent- talking it out can be cathartic. Even just saying something out loud helps.  But remember that sometimes the advice you get is based on supposition mixed with a little bitterness.  Also, always beware of the friend who is quick to say “fck him/her” because that exclamation always has more to do with them than you.

Do what works for you but if want advice, be careful where you get it.

I cannot stand people that constantly post when they’re sick.  Nobody wants to hear/read that sh*t. It’s 1 thing to ask for good thoughts or prayers for a serious illness for themselves or a loved one, that I understand. But if you’re always telling us about your various colds, stomach aches, or cramps I’m going to think you’re a hypochondriac or attention starved or a whiner or just plain unhealthy.

We are so busy blaming one another for everything that is wrong in our lives that I think we have forgotten that we are responsible for the state our lives are in.  This particularly applies to our Love lives. We are so quick to blame the opposite sex for the trials and tribulations in our relationships, we forget that we find ourselves in the situations we are in purely by choice.  You have the Love life you want. I firmly believe that.  It is a choice. 

You have to take responsibility for your actions, shortcomings, and admit that the problem you have with the opposite sex is mostly self-inflicted.  We are so quick to blame others for our romantic failings but refuse to try and figure out where we are wrong.  It can’t always be that women don’t cook, or men aren’t chivalrous.  Have you ever thought that maybe the reason your woman does not cook is because she’s feels unappreciated or that the reason it seems that chivalry has died is because women killed it? The only way things will ever change between men and women is exactly the same way things change in our lives… when we decide to change them.  

You aren’t attracting the wrong partners you’re accepting them.  We have to also accept our own power, claim it rather.  Realize that we draw unto us the energy that we give out.  It has many different names, ‘The Law of Attraction’ ‘The Law of Abundance’ ‘The Secret’ ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ It’s all the same, you get back what you give. You receive what expect to receive.  There is no trick -it’s very simple.  The complication is that we have been conditioned to believe that we should work hard in every other aspect of our lives except our romantic relationships.  We somehow think that being a girlfriend should be easy and require very little effort. We believe that being a husband should just be natural and work on instinct, when in fact that is the exact opposite of the truth.  We work at being better employees, bosses, writers, athletes, mothers, fathers, but somehow we don’t think we should have to work at being good mates.

Nothing in life happens without effort, nothing.

We have to approach each situation individually and without the limitations of our past hurts.  We can’t go in saying that all men cheat because our last boyfriend cheated. Not all women are groupies or gold diggers. We can go in saying, “I will accept this person for who they are but not before they show me.” A friend of mine asked, “Does that mean I should go in with my eyes closed?” The answer is absolutely not, just the opposite.  I think we should go into our new relationships with our eyes, minds, and hearts wide open.  That is the only way we will truly find the person we are meant to be with. You have to practice being open if you’re closed, practice being forgiving if you haven’t forgiven, call him even if you never call boys, tell her you Love her even if she hasn’t said it first.  A change in the dynamic between men and women will only come when each of us individually makes a change, when we begin to hold ourselves accountable. I’m finding it easier and easier to do but I am a work in progress …aren’t we all?

I don’t feel bad for falling in Love

I don’t feel selfish for wanting more

I don’t lament the time I spent

I don’t feel guilty for wanting to leave

I can’t stay longer than I already have because then

I can’t become who I really am

I feel free for having forgiven and I am happy I did it with

no regret